Tiếng Anh ;D

 

BA TÀU NÓI TIẾNG ANH

Caller: Hello, can I speak to Annie Wan (anyone)?
Operator: Yes, you can speak to me.
Caller: No, I want to speak to Annie Wan (anyone)!
Operator: You are talking to someone! Who is this?
Caller: I'm Sam Wan (Someone). And I need to talk to Annie Wan (anyone)! It's urgent.
Operator: I know you are someone and you want to talk to anyone! But what's this urgent matter about?
Caller: Well... just tell my sister Annie Wan (anyone), that our brother Noe Wan (no one) was involved in an accident. Noe Wan (no one) got injured and now Noe Wan (no one) is being sent to the hospital. Right now, Avery Wan (everyone) is on his way to the hospital.
Operator: Look if no one was injured and no one was sent to the hospital, then the accident isn't an urgent matter! You may find this hilarious but I don't have time for this!
Caller: You are so rude! Who are you?
Operator: I'm Saw Lee (Sorry).
Caller: Yes! You should be sorry. Now give me your name!
 

TIẾNG ANH CỦA PHỤ NỮ/ĐÀN ÔNG

Women's English
"Yes" = No
"No" = Yes
"Maybe" = No
"I'm sorry." =You'll be sorry.
"We need" = I want
"It's your decision" = The correct decision should be obvious by now
"Do what you want" = You'll pay for this later.
"We need to talk" = I need to complain.
"Sure ... go ahead" = I don't want you to.
"I'm not upset" = Of course I'm upset, you moron!
"Be romantic, turn out the lights" = I have flabby thighs.
"This kitchen is so inconvenient" = I want a new house.
"I want new curtains" = and carpeting, and furniture, and wallpaper...
"I heard a noise" = I noticed you were almost asleep.
"Do you love me?" = I'm going to ask for something expensive.
"How much do you love me" = I did something today you're really not going to like.
"Is my butt fat" = Tell me I'm beautiful.
"Are you listening to me?" = [Too late, you're dead.]
"You have to learn to communicate." = Just agree with me.
And just so the women can have their revenge!


Men's English
"I'm hungry." = I'm hungry.
"I'm sleepy." = I'm sleepy.
"I'm tired." = I'm tired.
"Do you want to go to a movie?" = I'd eventually like to have sex with you.
"Can I take you out to dinner?" = I'd eventually like to have sex with you.
"Can I call you sometime?" = I'd eventually like to have sex with you.
"May I have this dance?" = I'd eventually like to have sex with you.
"Nice dress!" = Nice cleavage
"You look tense, let me give you a massage." = I want to fondle you
"What's wrong?" = What meaningless self-inflicted psychological trauma are you going through now?
"What's wrong?" = I guess sex tonight is out of the question.
"I'm bored." = Do you want to have sex?
"I love you." = Let's have sex now.
"I love you, too." = Okay, I said it... we'd better have sex now.
"Lets talk." = I am trying to impress you by showing that I am a deep person and maybe then you'd like to have sex with me.
"Will you marry me?" = I want to make it illegal for you to have sex with other guys.

(st)
let's relax & smile on Sunday!